Tag Archive: Rant


I have to say I’ve got a problem
With National Poetry Day.
The theme this year is the word Remember
Which fits with World War One okay,
But remember, remember barely rhymes.
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Daffadon’t

I spotted these in a neighbouring garden.

What kind of idiot decides, let’s breed Daffadont3daffodils with big showy double flowers on really thin stalks? Another triumph of design over utility.

Though I suppose the daffodil breeder is smarter than the punters who buy the bulbs, plant them, and then get this wonderful display.

I suspect these magnificent plants could be used as a metaphor about how modern life is rubbish.

What’s wrong with growing wild daffodils bulbs (available from all good wildflower nurseries) or just going to see them in the wild? View full article »

Most recently I have run slams and judged them rather than participated in them. So I was a bit nervous about competing in the Wenlock Literary Festival Slam. I don’t get anxious performing on stage, but after several bad experiences, I had stopped going to slams that were part of a literary festival programme.

For those that don’t know a slam is a competition for performance poets where numerous hopefuls recite a poem and the judges select the best ones to go through to a semi-final then a final before crowning a winner. The aim of slam isn’t to win (though that’s nice), but to make poetry entertaining for the audience. A secondary point that is often missed is that slam should also be fun if a bit nerve-wracking for the competitors.

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Have you seen the London Olympic Logo?

For me, it’s an utter no go

Epilepsy, you see

Runs in my family

And I don’t want to do the horizontal pogo

Oh no, and if you think the logo

Is a mucked-up corrupt pile of rot,

Have you seen the Olympic mascot?

It should have been an animal

Based on the reality

Of living in East London

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Now the dust has settled and the Eurovision has brought full free democracy to Azerbaijan by the medium of a song contest – or not. Here’s my take. So don’t worry if you missed the cheese fest. I’ve summed each of the 26 acts up in a line of verse so you won’t feel left out. And the poem is a lot shorter than the real thing.

 

Eurovision Entries 2012

 

Taxidermied crooner

Tick box electro pop

Bjork being tortured

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Cameron on his podium

Reassuring everyone

If you are passing in your car

And somewhat lacking in this commodity

Sidle up and try to aquire it casually

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Adverts amuse me and bemuse me in equal measure. Nowadays does anyone buy stuff on the say-so of an ad?

 

 

Lazy Eyes

Why are hot air balloons

Always a sign of freedom?

I’ve seen their image selling cars,

Broadband internet, incontinence knickers.

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For a bit of political balance, here’s one about the leader of the opposition…

Ed Milliband

Ed Milliband, Ed Milliband,

as bland as a rubber band.

In fact Ed Milliband

Is Milli Vanilli bland.

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Here’s another political poem, I wrote a couple of weeks back during the Lib Dem conference…

“Go back to you constituencies, and prepare for obliteration”

Nick Clegg, Nick Clegg,

your promises were a pile of smeg.

You’ve the poll ratings of a rotten egg.

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I’ve been avoiding the news the last few weeks, as it’s party conference season. I have a dislike of politicians (with very, very few exceptions) but Tories are particularly boke inducing. So I wrote this poem for their party conference which has started. In the interests of political balance, I have ones from the recent Lib Dems and Labour back slapping fests which I will post up later…

Tory Party Conference Poem

Tories bore me, Tories bore me

watch their falsehoods on TV

open their mouths, my eyes glaze over

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